Sometimes they are, it can’t be denied. They rant, they rave, they throw tantrums. And often, it’s over something that isn’t really a problem, it may be an inconvenience, but put into life-issue context, not really something to get so incredibly worked up over. Regardless, they want satisfaction … and maybe even a drop of blood or two to make it worthwhile. 

Now, while what they are demanding may not be doable, goes beyond terms of service, breaks legal and/or safety codes, or is just flatly unreasonable, they want action. You, on the other hand, have several things running through your head: they’re nuts; I don’t have to take this; sir/ma’am, you need to calm down; whatever, I can only do so much …etc., etc. But voicing any of that at any time during this interaction will cause a newsworthy event or an international incident or both. So, what’s needed here?

While the answer isn’t too complicated, we need to first get clear on something. At this point, there’s an internal struggle going on. You, as I suggested earlier, may not really care why the customer is upset. You may, indeed, think they are ridiculous, and very little will change that. However, you need to understand this loud and clear: it doesn’t matter why they’re upset, it matters that they are upset. And because they’re upset, you need to do something to make it better. That’s it. 

So, (coming back to our regularly scheduled programming) what’s needed? De-escalation. This is a time for the volume level on the drama amp to come down, and you are the only one who can manage it. Here are three steps that will take two minutes or less.

1. Choose to help. Turn off the negative thinking that the customer is being a child. Turn off the thinking that they are anything less than a human behaving like a human just like you (face it, you’ve probably overreacted to some issue at some point too) and begin trying to find a way to be helpful rather than hurtful. 
2. Listen attentively without judgement or a smirk on your face. Ask questions to get clarity, and keep listening. Add in the odd “uh huh,” or “I understand,” or “I’m sorry this has happened,” just to make it clear you are still with them. 
3. Mind your manners. Do not say things that you would not want to hear yourself. Heed your mom’s or dad’s voice in your head saying, “Use please, thank you, you’re welcome, and any other kind words you can think of.” The idea is to open doors, not shut them. 

Voila, there you have it. In less than two minutes, you are turning the volume down and returning the customer to planet earth. And, most importantly, you can begin solving the problem … and maybe even more importantly, you can begin mending the relationship. Not that ridiculous after all.

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